Fall Lies

Although the past few early fall days have been lovely here in the greater Boston area, the change in the air, the early tinges of color on the leaves, and the darker evenings make me quite sad. Until I moved to California, I just assumed that the dark days of winter was the price that humans have to pay. I thought there was no life without snow, cold, ice and misery. I bought into the "the change of seasons makes you appreciate each one all the more." Yeah, right.

My move to California liberated me from these Yankee New England thoughts. Some might even be as bold to call them lies. You know what? Nice sunny weather makes you appreciate nice sunny weather. Snow doesn't make you appreciate anything. Nor does ice or minus zero temperatures. In fact, they all make me quite cranky.

I'm smarter now that I am back in New England after my California stint. I know that in a few short months, or possibly even weeks, the winter chill will begin to set in, and we will be in for many more months of cold and darkness. And every supposedly pleasant fall memory reminds me that it's all getting closer and closer.

So when others are smiling over sweaters, apple picking, and leaf peeping, you'll find me engaged in quite opposite activities--Complaining, worrying, and general bad moodiness. You'll see me, I'll be the one with scowl.

Driving along the water

I always thought people exaggerated a bit when they talked about how terrible Boston drivers are on the road. "Oh, it can't be that bad," I would say. It's the same pride that makes people like Dunkin' Donuts. It's something to unique and proud about Boston, but when it comes down to it, not that different from the coffee (or driving) in other cities.

Ha! Oh how wrong and what a young innocent was I. These days I spend an awful lot of time on one of the most dreaded stretches of Boston highway and road: Route 1A. Said plainly, it sucks. Drivers swerve in and out of lanes, cut you off with barely a wink or nod, and alternately slow and speed with no warning. And don't even get me started on the incredible number of untimed and slow red lights.

Worst of all, I find my behavior being influenced by my roadside neighbors.

I believe you now Boston. Fully and surely. Yes, we are horrible drivers. But I'm not quite ready to be proud of it. Give me time though. After a year of this, I just might be.

She's back...

I was without regular Internet access this past month. And although I am certainly glad to have it back, I also came to appreciate the extra time, calm, and solitude that came from my temporary removal from the information highway. I found myself reading more, taking walks, and even cleaning. As cliche as it sounds, I was definitely more productive. And possibly happier.

But I also found myself strangely lonely. Since I abhor the phone, I didn't communicate as regularly with friends, and I realized that I use blogs, news Web sites, and message boards to feel connected to the human race. Without them, I was a bit lost. I'm not sure I like that.

I like to use the term "false intimacy" when it comes to describing various types of Internet relationships, and I think I was creating a bit of my own false intimacy by lulling myself into believing that I am fully connected to all these people, thoughts, and things available out there on the Web. I'm not. Not fully at least. I'm connected to my neighborhood, my friends, my job, and family. Those are harder connections for me, but I think (and hope) more worthy.

All this is to say that I'm not going anywhere. I'm grateful to be back, and I'm sure I'll remain searching and typing away on my keyboard. But I do want to make sure I remind myself that there are other connections out there--and not all of my best and rewarding relationships are going to require a keyboard and cable modem.