Humiliation

I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while last night. I should be going much more often, especially since I'm not working this month. Unfortunately, my utter and lovely lack of structure has turned me into the ultimate sloth.

Every day I tell myself that today is the day. Today is the day that my summertime health regimen begins in earnest...and then the day passes, and of course I've figured out every possible way to avoid setting foot anywhere near the Central Square YMCA. I have to go to the grocery store today, and I can't possibly do both those things in one day! That would be humanly impossible. I then beat myself up about my lack of focus and motivation. It doesn't help that I see other women on the street with sleek biceps and toned calves in their hot weather wear. They clearly can make it to the gym, and they probably even...gasp...work!

So yesterday I finally did it. I went to the gym. I reconciled myself to my guilt, said what the heck, and just made myself go. I went to swipe my card at door and request my two towels (it had been so long since my last trip that I couldn't remember if I had any waiting for me in my locker), and waited for my picture to come up on the attendant's computer screen and get buzzed in. To my great embarrassment, a big green alert message came up on the monitor: CUSTOMER HAS NOT BEEN IN CLUB FOR OVER 30 DAYS.

What? I mean come on! I know it had been a while, but 30 days? Make that over 30 days? I'm sure my facial expression registered my embarrassment and surprise, but the polite attendant only smiled and kindly handed me my towels. "Uh, thanks" I said sheepishly and snuck through the door as she buzzed me in.

Ugh. what's the point, I thought. I'm clearly done for now. Why bother? Clearly I'm not made for the gym. Why even try? Once settled on my favorite elliptical machine, I calmed down a bit. I got into the groove and started to look around a bit. It was quiet in the gym since it was pretty late, but there was a smattering of people running on treadmills and at the weights.

And you know what? Most of them were older and shall we say, a bit more Rubenesque than I am. My embarrassment left me, and I started to push. If other people can make the effort, so can I. We all have our insecurities, especially physical ones. That's life. Now I can't guarantee that I'll go again today (although I'm still telling myself that this morning), but I can cut myself some slack. I think that's going to get me going to the gym more frequently than anything else.